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FIVE THINGS: To be preserved

June 6, 2007

BY LIZA DZUL

FREE PRESS SPECIAL WRITER

PANTS

It takes only a few minutes of watching early '90s "Beverly Hills 90210" to realize that the dawn of spandex was a bad time for America. Unflattering on virtually all body types and made in a variety of repugnant colors and patterns, this stretchy, skintight fabric has nevertheless come back in style with women of all ages.

What many fail to realize is that any front view, back view, side view, bird's-eye view or ground view of a spandex-clad bottom half is just as strangely vulgar as the rest. In truth, wearing spandex is just badly disguised public nudity.

THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

Sure, its hapless struggles to keep up with the times by annually adding catchphrases like "metrosexual" and "bling bling" have made the dictionary seem a little pathetic. And sure, the Internet has proved bad grammar and spelling can be more efficient and dynamic than the same tired, old phrases.

But the fact is, numbers do not constitute an acceptable replacement for letters. Smiley faces made out of colons and parentheses do not cover the wide range of human emotions. Abbreviations such as LOL, ROFL and LMAO are vaguely demeaning.

We need to do more than just feel bad for the English language. We need to save it.

BELLE ISLE AQUARIUM

As the oldest continually operating aquarium in America, Belle Isle's was remarkable for elements beyond a few pretty fish.

With Detroit in financial straits, cuts had to be made. Nevertheless, the aquarium's closing in 2005 was just another example of a beautiful, historic Detroit building being left to rot.

CBC RADIO 3

"What I've Done" by Linkin Park is on the radio over and over. Lead singer Chester Bennington's screaming is an obnoxious cliché of itself. On major American radio networks, this situation is all too typical.

For a time, where America lagged, Canada picked up the slack. In 1997, the Canadian Broadcasting Corp. launched Radio 3, with its engaging live sets, amusing regular features and dynamic host Grant Lawrence.

But because of budget problems, Radio 3 was continually downscaled into on-air oblivion by early this year. Yes, it's on podcasts and Sirius, but we shouldn't have to pay $25 a month just to hear a decent song on the radio.

LADYBUGS

Picture a little girl, reveling in her sunshiny happiness, as she allows an adorable ladybug to crawl up her finger. She smiles gleefully at the bug's black dots, tiny antenna and red shiny wings -- but wait, she pauses: This one looks a little bit orange, a little bit yellow, really.

Before she can flick it off, she feels a short, sharp pain. A bite! This is not the pretty insect pal she once knew.

As our poor heroine can now testify, the ladybugs of the past have all but disappeared from Michigan. Their cousin, the Asian lady beetle, has taken over. And she bites.

Actual Article